53. Checking out from a lost cause

”One leap of faith and I’m checked out. No funeral, cremation, dramas…. nothing.”
”And that’s without hassles and for free,” I added dryly.
”The sharks will eat me and everything moves on.”
”Yeah… We’re just apes on a spinning rock.”
”You know, I can’t be fucked anymore if I lose my land. I’m done with this fucking shit system.”
Under the rumble of pounding waves, I searched frantically for words.
”You’re serious ay?”
He nodded.
”But… You live self-sufficiently, love nature, experience cool stuff… Why would you?
”This isn’t about me. Everyone thinks everything is about themselves. Our greed, ignorance and drive to control ruin everything. It’s an endless battle of each on their own and for what? Status, gadgets, the ego, a few bucks? All meaningless shit…. sigh. I’m free without bank accounts, contracts, possessions, debts and such.”
”Great! So what’s missing then?”
”This so-called modernity is turning us into dependent, careless, institutional zombies. I broke with all of that twenty years ago. Never again!”
”Works out fine, right? Just benefit from this system and let it be.”
”Let it be? Until opposing lifestyles or views become impossible? I used to be that naive. But after years of exclusion and opposition, I know that escape is an illusion. This civilization will spin out of control. And institutions and authorities’ grip will increase to ‘save the planet’. We’re fucked mate. Everything will be traceable and thus controllable. The downfall is gradually coming. No matter what, the new world order will push the great reset through. This plandemic shows how pathetic humanity is. Fear…”
I could bear his usual social criticism and cynism. But the addition of suicidal remarks and conspiracies became too much to bear. I let go of my objection to cut short after a few ‘uhu’s.’
”We recently discussed conspiracy theories. Sorry mate, not now… Shall we move on?
”Where to? Nowhere? The truth is too much for you, huh?” he said frowning.
”Leave it… We’ll resume this later, okay?”
”And then nothing changes. Our fate is sealed.”
”So it’s all meaningless. Even suicide.”
I briefly stared at him, turned around and walked off.

I listened to the orchestra of the blue marble on top of a cliff. I took a strong whiff of the fresh sea air and looked down hundreds of meters. With goosebumps, I looked up again and saw Max approaching. I wondered how many folks experience this kind of helplessness or existential despair as I waved to him. Yeah… Where do these nosedive tendencies come from? Maybe I should read or watch more confronting books or watch documentaries. Maybe I should listen to climate strikers or activists instead of ignoring them. Then I might pierce through the typical alarmist, hopeless and biting tone. Then I might face inconvenient messages head-on. Just do it.

”Is our fate really sealed?”
”Yeah mate. This overpopulated world is fulll of selfish and short-sighted people. Billionaires, shareholders, lobbyists, politicians, businessmen, multinationals, marketers, lawyers, managers, the average citizen, everyone… Money rules, and with it, corruption, self-interest and conflicting interests. This system creates crises. It’s a never-ending story.”
”Isn’t that of all times?”
”Exactly. That’s why global issues only get worse. No one wants to rock the boat while others profit. Oh, and everything is linked to fossil energy. That makes rapid system change quite complicated.”
”Is that even realistic?”
”Of course not. There’s too much conflict and division for that. Gradual change will help too little, too late.”
I knelt and looked up: ”Oh, Wisemen of California! Hail dataism and Big Brother! I’m praying for answers and solutions. Please. We need more AI, robotics and algorithms. Divide and spoil us.”
”You ain’t funny. You’re part of the problem,” he responded salty.”
”Well. I do what I can.”
”You better inform yourself and act accordingly.”
”Like what? Isn’t our fate sealed? With the growing global middle class, the demand for energy and resources keeps rising. That transition is already too much, let alone when there are 11 or 12 billion people. Apart from being child-free, I don’t see any moral solutions. You?
”Change the world; start with yourself,” he said while pointing to the ocean.
I rolled my eyes.
”Off to my car to burn some dinosaurs. Otherwise, they died for nothing.”
”That, too, is our fate.”
I sighed and moved on.

We happily chatted as we drove towards the airport.
”By the way… I never expected this from you.”
”Well… Appearances can be deceiving.”
”Don’t get me wrong. I would think it a damn shame. But whether and how you live is your call. I could’ve said that you always have reasons to live. But I don’t know that at all. Whether you want to share your deepest self is also your call.”
”I’m glad you didn’t pretend.”
”Yeahnah. Nowadays, you can be depressed, overworked, highly sensitive or whatever. But suicide is too… sad, too real for the feed.”
”Thanks for not judging me.”
”Why should I? Everyone is unique with their own story. I don’t want to disrespect that.”
”Nice. Many are terrified of discomfort or their truth.”
”Being dead before dying…. is just another way of checking out too early, I reckon.”
Silence. Later on, I dropped him off at departures.
”Thanks for everything. Well, see you never again ay?”
”Probably. Take it easy and enjoy your (usurped) land. Are you already checked in?”
He nodded and we hugged. I waved the drug dealer goodbye and drove home. There I grabbed a six-pack out of the fridge. I walked to the communal backyard and treated my fellow bums to IPAs and an eardrum-shattering fart. Cheerfully we cheered until it was late. It’s true. There are many problems, big problems, two-legged problems. Such mad madness. But oh well. Let it go. Let me run to the abyss and embrace my fate.

Practice makes perfect and a good preparation is half the job, also in the Doomer era.

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